The Simpsons Fortnight, Day 2: Jose Canseco out of character

The Simpsons episode "Homer at the Bat" first aired February 20, 1992. It's one of the best episodes of probably my all-time favorite show. In the off-chance you don't have it near-memorized, it's well worth the couple bucks to watch. I had originally planned to do this over a week, but couldn't cram it all in. So over a fortnight (a fancy word for "2 weeks" which I learned from-- you guessed it-- The Simpsons), we're celebrating the show by spotlighting the big leaguers who guested in "Homer at the Bat" and other episodes.

Player:

before The Simpsons appearance

Jose Canseco was possibly baseball's biggest superstar at the time of this episode. A good-looking stud on the powerhouse A's of the late 80s/early 90s, he was on top of the world, spending late nights with Madonna and eating fancy cheese (probably). Wielding both power and speed, he won Rookie of the Year in '86, and MVP in '88, becoming baseball's first-ever 40/40 player. In 1991, he won his second home run crown (tied with Cecil Fielder), bashing 44.

Homer at the Bat

The first ringer he goes after, Smithers recruits Jose as he signs at a baseball card show. According to the DVD commentary on the episode, Canseco was the only guest star who was a douche to work with. That's too bad, but certainly no surprise. His lady at the time (they split soon after.. again, no surprise) even caused a stink and forced the writers to change his part in the episode. Originally, Jose misses the game because he gets seduced by Mrs. Krabappel. But instead, his downfall in the episode is helping a lady whose house is on fire. Much more dignified, though less believable, than him banging a middle-aged woman on the side. I'd say it's the worst part/performance of all the ballplayers in the episode. But oh well. They can't all be golden.

Classic Line:

   Smithers: [whispers in Jose Canseco's ear]
   Jose:     I get $50,000 to play one game?
   Smithers: That's right, Mr. Canseco.
   Jose:     Well, it's a pay cut, but what the hey.  It sounds like fun.

after The Simpsons appearance

Injuries bugged Jose here and there for the next decade as he bounced around with several different teams, though he had a few more pretty good seasons sprinkled in. Of course, his star eventually got tarnished not only due to falling numbers, but other "clown" stuff such as accidentally bouncing opposing home run balls off his head and badly hurting himself while pitching mop-up. Then he really got thrown in the doghouse with the steroid revelations. I mean, at least he had the balls to admit it and not hold anything back (Sure, it was all in the name of selling his book, but still.) These days, he's essentially in the Pete Rose-zone.. baseball tries to forget he exists, but he's always ready to talk to the press and remind people he's there.

Highlights from my Collection:

I don't have many Canseco cards. I've really just got the '86 Donruss The Rookies set with him, and this Fleer Greats certified auto I just recently picked up for my Springfield Nine auto collecting goal. I actually need a Canseco card-- how crazy is that? I need a Canseco!-- that being his auto in the 2004 Topps Retired set I'm working on completing. It's proven trickier to track down than you might expect for a guy who, generally speaking, collectors purged from their collections several years ago.

Random Filler:

Jose's bash brother in Oakland, Mark McGwire, didn't appear in this episode.. but he would eventually pop in a few seasons later. But that's for a future post later in the fortnight.

Hey, let's talk about the awesome "Talkin' Softball" song from the closing credits which I've linked via YouTube up top. It was years till I realized it was a take-off of an old song called "Talkin' Baseball" from the 1981. I guess it was just a little before my time.

The same singer/songwriter, Terry Cashman sang both versions. It's funny because I looove "Talkin' Softball" but am fairly indifferent to "Talkin' Baseball". The way he sings "the Duke" makes me want to "the Puke", to be honest. It's so much better with "Ozzie and the Straw", I think. But I guess I'm just so used to the Simpsons' version that it's weird hearing anything else. Cashman says these days he gets more requests to play "Talkin' Softball" than the original song. I don't doubt it!

Lyrics:

Well, Mr. Burns had done it
The power plant had won it
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the bar room tile
We're Talkin' Softball
From Maine to San Diego
Talkin' softball
Mattingly and Canseco
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law
We're talkin' Homer...
Ozzie, and the Straw
We're Talkin' Softball
From Maine to San Diego
Talkin' Softball
Mattingly and Canseco
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law
We're talkin' Homer...
Ozzie, and the Straw

Well, check back tomorrow for the next Simpsons spotlight! Coming up, another fallen great from the steroids era, Roger Clemens. (I'm hitting these guys alphabetically by last name, btw.)