2021 Topps redux

For some reason Topps thinks it's a good idea to unveil their upcoming flagship design in early August. But any hype it generates is gone by the time the thing actually comes out the following year.

Their prototype for 2021 was met with mixed reviews. Some like it, others don't. (I don't. Too busy and feels like Bowman.)

There's a blog bat-around for us creative-type bloggers to make an improved version without straying too far from the original spirit of the design, and I went ahead and gave it a shot.

Yeah, I just kept it simple, stupid. Sure, it looks like it's from 1994, but I don't care.. I like it better than this...

Ugh! Why all the razor blades and jagged edges? And this card has apparently been run over by a truck at some point! I get that the past few months on Earth have been rough, but why must our baseball cards reflect that pain??

The "70" logo just makes me think of Bowman inserts and buybacks from 2017 that used a very similar logo. And that tiny name is going to be a real pain in the ass to read when you're busting a box after the sun's gone down.

Here's my horizontal mock-up. I figure a team logo can go on the cards without a RC logo. (see old-school Rated Rookies that were either/or.. Looks better than cluttering the card with too many logos) Had to shrink the name down a bit because Tatis has a long one, but it's still way more readable than the real thing.


How about seeing how these look as Chrome refractors?.........

Oh man, I'd probably have to pre-order me up a hobby box of this!.. if only it were real.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

2016 Topps Preview from the Parallel Universe

[This is a recurring feature where we take a trip into the Parallel Universe to check out silly, fake highlights from a new set.]

It's that time of year again! 2016 Topps Series 1 officially releases tomorrow, 2/3, though some lucky collectors have been finding it pop up on retail shelves already. Once again, Topps brings out the big guns with exciting inserts and subsets to chase. Let's take a look some of these cards now!

One insert set that was a big hit last year were the First Pitch cards featuring celebrities and other notable folks who got to throw out the first pitch of a ballgame.

Collectors will be pleased to see this insert set return in 2016.

Well, hey now, that seems poorly timed.

Hmm. Well, let's venture on.


Another stalwart of Topps cards are team and combo cards, highlighting standout groups of players.

Hey, that doesn't even make any sense! Entirely inappropriate. Something is terribly wrong here.


Let's put that behind us and check out a brand new insert this year. It's called Pressed Into Service and features players who took one for the team by playing out of position in a pinch.
I'm excited for this one!

The hell?!! Topps has really made some curious decisions with this year's product! I can't see this card being very collectable at all.


Another special insert set for 2016 celebrates the 100th anniversary of Wrigley Field in Chicago. It's a legendary site for baseball, and regardless of your team affiliation, you've got to admire and cherish all Wrigley has brought to the game over the years.

Are you frickin' kidding me, Topps?!! Ok, that's it. I'm done.

The incredible thing is these are just 4 of the 27 different cards in 2016 Topps Series 1 that feature Bill Cosby in some capacity. Personally, I think this is a huge misstep for Topps, and shows the company is woefully out of touch with today's consumers. Will the gambit pay off? Only time will tell.

Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next time.. here in... The Parallel Universe!!

Parallel Universe: 2015 Topps pushes the envelope to new heights

Parallel Universe is a recurring feature where we look at (fake) new innovations in baseball cards.

Today we're examining some of the astounding cards available in 2015 Topps.

Here's a neat one:

Wow, 3-D technology sure has come a long way since those Kellogg's cards in the 70s, huh?



One parallel from 2014 Topps that was a big hit with collectors were the acetate parallels. Topps may have went a little too far this year, however...

These acetone parallels may be quite desirable for collectors, #'d /10, but storing them is certain to be a pain.



Finally, recreational marijuana usage may be becoming increasingly accepted in the United States, but still, the "Career High" insert set in 2015 Topps may be ill-advised.

These relics have been selling incredibly well on the secondary market so far.


Well, that's it for this episode. Join us next time, here in... the Parallel Universe....

Parallel Universe: 2014 Topps Archives turns back the crotch

I generally like Topps Archives. It's a very divisive product, I know. But back in 2012 when I was just giving a curious look at what the hobby had been up to for the past couple decades, it was 2012 Archives that made me say, "Hmm, it'd be fun to rip a few packs of that!" Drawing me in with sentimental, familiar designs, and a mix of old-timers I knew and new guys I mostly didn't, next thing I knew I had dropped probably about a hundred bucks on blasters chasing a hit, any hit (never did pull an auto or anything really cool like that, sadly). And that was basically how I stumbled back into collecting baseball cards. Here we are a couple years later and I've pretty much gone full-bore and I'm even blogging about it a few times per week.

So call me a softy/sucker for Archives, but I pre-ordered a hobby box of the 2014 product the other day and eagerly expect it at the end of the month. With 2 guaranteed autos per box, looks like I'll finally get the longed-for hit that several blasters of 2012 and 2013 Archives couldn't deliver. Sure, I'll just pull the likes of Wally Backman and Adam Eaton, but I'll take them, even though I'll have overpaid a bunch. ($90 for the hobby box.. ugh.. no more 2014 product for me. I'm done.)

Stay tuned for a future post where I bust the box (At least I had the self-restraint not to spend a grand to crack a case.. believe me, I wanted to!)

But for now, let's enter the world of imagination and take a look at some fun/fake highlights that 2014 Topps Archives features! This is a silly recurring feature called Parallel Universe.

"Game-used" Charlie Sheen condom relic

This year Archives celebrates the 25th anniversary of the film Major League with special inserts. The most sought-after will surely be this auto/relic featuring a piece of a condom from a lovely night Charlie had with an escort whilst filming the motion picture.

1980 Topps "hot packs"

They sure do fuckin' love 1980 Topps. It was just back in 2012 Archives when 1980 Topps was a featured design. And now this year, 1980 Topps is again one of the four featured designs in the base set. And they didn't just stop there! Certain "1980 hot cases" will be nothing but a case of 1980 Topps wax packs that the company had sitting unsold in a warehouse upstate. Good luck pulling a Gem-Mint 10 Rickey rookie! (Actually, this would be pretty cool. Who would be upset finding out the case of 2014 Archives they bought was actually 1980 Topps? But 1989 Topps on the other hand, you've got a lawsuit on your hands.)

Uglifractor, /10

In an effort to create "the ugliest card design of all time" Topps has taken 1986 Topps and made a purple border version. The result is, in a phrase, A delightfully nauseating affront to all of God's creation. (This is not a fake card, this is apparently real!)

That's it for this time. (Sorry if this episode was a bit phoned-in. And I hope the condom thing wasn't offensive to anybody.. forgive my occasional lapse in good taste.) We'll catch ya next time.. here in.. the parallel universe!!!

Parallel Universe: Gavin Floyd's feminine side

A recent trade with the awesome Tony L. netted me a loaded PWE with some great additions to my collection, including Gavin Floyd's infamous "lipstick" card from 2013 Heritage.

So what's the deal here? Had he just finished eating a cherry popsicle moments before this photo was taken? Did somebody at Topps make an interesting choice during the "retro filter" coloring process? Or does Floyd simply enjoy making himself pretty by applying tasteful lipstick from time to time? Hey, it's a free country!

Let's enter the Parallel Universe to look at some of the lesser-known variations of this card.

Here's the most common one:

The "upside-down frown" variation is more scare (#'d /199):

But the real hit is this one (#'d /50):

However, the ultimate superdragfractor 1/1 is this beauty:

Ain't she just the belle of the ball? Base-ball, that is! It's a heck of a game.

We'll see you next time.. here in.. the Parallel Universe!

p.s. Obligatory Twitter contest plug

Parallel Universe: 2014 Heritage innovates and astounds

[Grandparental Advisory: These are obviously fake, photoshopped cards. Just some silliness. For fun.]

Now let's enter the Parallel Universe and take a look at some of the incredible parallels that are in store for us in the brand-new 2014 Heritage set.

Parachute-allel /25

These parallels are printed on combat-used U.S. military parachutes. Pretty bad-ass.

Heritage Farm cookie parallel /5

Heritage and Pepperidge Farm have combined forces to bring collectors the most delicious cards to date. Milano Rivera? Paul Goldfishcracker? They're all here! The only question is will these edible cards make it into your binder or your tummy?

Micro /25,000

Minis for today's generation! If you don't have a powerful microscope handy, you'll just have to take Topps' word for it, but each pack (allegedly) contains upwards of a dozen micros, each a tenth as wide as a human hair. And look for Atomic parallels, /5! (You won't find them! They're a very tough pull! And they're too small to see!)

So go out there are get you some 2014 Heritage, boys!

And we'll see you next time.. in.. the Parallel Universe!

Parallel Universe: Understanding 2014 Topps, an eye-opening exposé

Sorry to pick on 2014 Topps again, but it's what's buzzing at the moment. I haven't bought any yet, myself.. but Sunday, while most of America is watching the Super Bowl, I'm planning to hit Target and burn a giftcard on some cards that will surely sicken me. Or, who knows, maybe I'll like 'em! Yeah! Positivity!

For this edition of Parallel Universe, we'll be looking at some fake cards (sorry, gotta bold that so I don't inadvertently "punk" anybody)-- fake cards that help give some background to Topps' flagship set for this year.

First off, the designers originally had a more simple design without the weird tab-thing on the right, probably.

Look at that! A fine card. Three straight borders, then some waves down below. Not incredible, but a fine continuation of the proud Topps brand. (Another way I "improved" the design was by lowering the player name a little so the long names don't poke into the waves.)

But then one of the designers couldn't leave well-enough alone and got a little carried away. "Hey, fantasy stuff is big these days.. Game of Thrones, Hobbit, Twilight, etc. Let's work that angle!" And somewhere during the meeting, a Star Trek fan managed to score a prominent design idea.

Klingons? Damn it, Worf! Cut that shit out!

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, the Kingons won the war over baseball cards this year.

Here's the original demo card they drafted up:

:(

And that's the story of how we ended up with this design for 2014.

Now, for a fun alternate reality, let's imagine if Panini was able to get an exclusive deal with the MLB Players Association... and Topps was then prevented from using players' likenesses and names on their products.

I think it'd look a little.. like.. this:

It's like the bizarro-Panini card! Plenty of logos and team names, but no faces or player names. How funny would that be?

Oh, for fun.

That's it for today. Join us next time.. in.. The Parallel Universe!

Parallel Universe: previewing 2014 Topps' lesser-known parallels

Parallel Universe is a brand new feature I just came up with. You loyal readers out there know I like to do weird and creative things to cards, such as make my own glow-in-the-dark variations. And I also like to mess with cards in Photoshop. Well, this is like a combination of those 2 things. I'll take cards and design fake parallels that I think would be cool or funny if they actually existed. Many will be bizarrely random. Who knows, maybe a card company will stumble upon my blog and use one of these ideas in a future set! (Allow me to again brag about kinda being recruited by Upper Deck a few weeks back. If only I could have done that job from home! Oh well.)

So yeah, let's enter The Parallel Universe and examine some lesser-known (fake, made-up, for-fun) parallels in this year's forthcoming Topps flagship set.

Polka-Dot Hearts parallel, /333

With this cute variation, Topps seems to be pandering to the little girl demographic, a goldmine yet untapped by sportscards. Available in special blasters only by mail-order (see ad in Tiger Beat magazine), these are serial numbered to 333. <3 <3 <3

Sandpaper parallel, /50

It doesn't get more manly than this! Available only in Home Depot retail packs, 1:280, these parallels are printed on carpenter-grade sandpaper.

Garfractor, /1

Topps teams up with Jim Davis for this mega-hit that brings everyone's favorite comicstrip cat Garfield to baseball cards for the first time. These 1/1 Garfractors are sure to command premium prices, but holding one of these shiny beauties in your hand, you'll agree they're worth all the lasagna in Italy.

That's it for today. Join us next time.. in.. The Parallel Universe!